photogeek23

Happiness

Finding your Zen, Happiness, Portraiture

I was having a conversation recently with a photographer I had just met the day before. We were just talking shop and sharing some of our experiences. Then she said something that hit me like a bag of sand. (bags of sand are quite heavy.) She said “To be honest. I’m only truly happy when I’m shooting.” I sat frozen for a second. A second that seemed like a lifetime. This woman who I had just met said what I’ve been feeling for so long. It was as if someone had just hijacked my soul and said the very words that I’ve never been able to say myself.

Since I was a child I always had this hyper creativity about myself. Always writing and creating in one way or another. It wasn’t until I got into photography that it really hit me though. From the moment I got my first camera I was obsessed. As I got better that obsession took up more and more of my time and occupied more real estate in my thoughts. When I think about it I’m reminded of an old Ray Romano skit where he talks about his young daughter of four. She was looking out the window in what seemed to be deep thought for some time. When he asked her what she was thinking about. She replied “Candy”. That’s me. Only a lot older and with photography. I was laying in bed last night around 4:00 AM. Tossing and turning, reflecting on that days shoot and the ones that are coming. Thinking of how I can avoid having my pictures start to look the same. Working on new concepts and ideas. I just can’t put my mind to rest. Laying awake my eyes focused the wardrobe in front of the bed. “What if I emptied it out and photographed someone inside. Someone who feels trapped.” It’s fucking 4:00 AM and I’m thinking about this shit. It’s crazy.

My long time friend Mandy got me into volunteering a little over a year ago. During the times I shot these events I’ve received so much love and praise for pictures I thought were pretty mediocre. I’ve sent them to her with an almost apologetic tone. Of course she’s always positive and appreciative, exclaiming “these are amazing.” “Why are you so hard on yourself?” The thing is, I’m not an events photographer but I want to be at my very best regardless. Even when I’m shooting portraits, something that I’ve become very good at. I keep thinking “I can do better. I can do more.” It’s an obsession.

The plain and simple truth is that when I’m shooting. When I’m in that mindset. I’m the very best I think I’ve ever been or can be. I’m pretty much a dork when it comes down to it. But when I’m in the studio communicating and creating, I feel like a fucking Rock Star. I can say and do things I wouldn’t be able to otherwise. I’m happy and confident. I’m not shy, self conscious or clumsy. (okay, maybe a little clumsy.) Not to freak anyone out but I’ve even compared it to sex. Not quite there but about as close to an orgasm as you can get without….. well, you know. So yeah, maybe I am only truly happy when I’m shooting. God, help me.

Get Fit!!!

Uncategorized

2010 has been a year when I left my comfort zone and tried a lot of new things. Fitness is something that interests me on a number of levels. By combinig my love for lighting with tone, the peaks and valleys that muscle create. There’s so much you can really do artisticaly. Jess and I had been planning to get together for weeks with no concrete plan or script for what we were doing. I wanted to do something but I wasn’t quite sure of my approach and tecnique. As the day approached Jess and I stayed in contact through email and the thing that inspired the most was her energy and excitement about getting together. Jess is pretty small in size. Standing only five feet, one inch high. But she more than makes up for it in personality and overall presence. Jessicas specialties include Fight Coreography, Stage Combat, Stunt Work and Par Kour. She’s also an Actress, Make Up Artist and Writer. I had a great time working with her. I only hope ashe had as much fun as I did.

Jessica and Judy

Beauty, Canon lenses and equipment, Family Portraits, Portraiture, Studio Lighting

Every now and then a model or client asks if it’s okay to bring a friend or chaperone along for safety purposes. It’s something I wasn’t always comfortable with but understand and allow with one condition “They know their place and stay out of the way.” Their safety and sense of security is paramount. Most of the people I work with are complete strangers and with all the craziness that goes on in this world, who wouldn’t want a security blanket? On this occasion Jess told me she would be bringing her Mother Judy along. Her description was quote “She’s sarcastic, cynical and jaded, but tons of fun.” My reply “Awesome, I think I like her already. Though she did possess all of those characteristics. She turned out to be a complete sweetheart. Often reminding me of a cross between my own Mother and my Aunt Ruth. She sat and chatted while eating her sandwich but not once did she interfere or get in the way. As Jess and I finished I coaxed Judy out from behind the camera and got this shot. It was a pleasure meeting and working with them both.

Santa Night Year II

Beauty, Canon lenses and equipment, Community Outreach

Wow, after months of consistent posting I’ve totally let December get away from me. Blame it on the crazy season. A time when advertisers try to convince us that diamonds and cars wrapped in big red ribbons are what our loved ones expect to see under the tree every Christmas. It’s been a busy month for me shooting and making plans to see family. About a week ago I volunteered my camera and dignity to the now annual Santa Night. Caroling, raising money and a little hell for the New Jersey chapter of the Cervical Cancer Coalition. My good friend Mandy Weiss, along with others, do an amazing job. Here are some pictures I took along the way. Check out the page to see what you can do in your area and do what you can to get involved. http://www.facebook.com/NCCC.NJ?v=box_3 .

"Did somebody call the Fire Department?"

No one said volunteering was without it's risks and injuries.

Hope everyone has a great Holiday and remembers there’s always time to help others in need.

Iya Turns Up the Heat.

Pin Up

After playing matchmaker for weeks. The dye was set and I had Iya and Steph scheduled to shoot a new project together. As of late I’ve been getting a lot of requests for boudoir, fetish and sessions that sit firmly on the kinkier side of the fence. Often being asked to play matchmaker. It’s not easy playing matchmaker and it’s something I’m definitely not used to. But like most things, I’ve learned by doing. I had worked with both Iya and Steph in the past. Both unique and beautiful in so many ways. Together, the possibilities were endless. Everything was set. The day, time, clothing, props. Everything was ready. Then the morning of the shoot came and at the very last minute Steph tells me she can’t make it. Her son had gotten sick the night before and took a turn for the worse that morning. I totally understood. Shit happens and when it happens, you deal with it. I notified Iya and prepared to face the day. Almost instantly Iya got back to me. “My emotions are in this shoot.” I still want to do this. Even if it’s solo” My senses and excitement came rushing back and I met up with Iya. During During the original two sessions with Iya, communication was minimal. The first time we met it was all business. “Devay”, translated from Russian is “Let’s Go”. The second time she kept calling her boyfriend in Russian to assure him he was safe. In the back of my head I heard her say. “I’m here now. I’ll leave the door open so you can kill him.” But this time it was different. She was radiant, beautiful and in even better shape than before. (If that was even possible.) We were talking like old friends and laughing. Iya was teaching me Russian and being downright chatty. Though we missed Steph dearly, we had a great time and got a tremendous amount of work done in minimal time. We plan to reconvene in a few weeks. I’m sure that by then we’ll have even more ideas. As i began to go through our session I couldn’t get over how many amazing images we created. Narrowing it down to the best of the best, to the one’s I loved and then finally down to my absolute favorites was quite a task. Here are just a few.

Natalia; Estonia’s Loss is Hoboken’s Gain.

Beauty, Canon lenses and equipment, Portraiture, Studio Lighting

The three hours Natalia and I spent shooting were so much fun. Though we had met on my doorstep for the first time five minutes prior. The chemistry and trust was almost instant. Most of our favorite shots were very natural and instinctive. I coaxed a few screams out of her that might have scared the neighbors a bit but the rest was me following her slight movements. I honestly believe that everyone is beautiful in their own unique and special way. (Yeah, sounds corny.) Natalia’s stood out. Her beauty, grace and strength are not easy to come by. A native of Estonia in Eastern Europe. She’s been living in and loving Hoboken since coming to the U.S.. I hope our creative paths cross again soon. Enjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Family Portraits, Portraiture, Portraiture in natural light, Soft Lighting

I don’t get to see my family very often. Holidays and Birthdays for the most part. Being that my parents divorced when I was six, I’ve gained an extended family of step and half brothers and sisters. Though we’re all very different I love them with all my heart and look forward to the time we get to spend together. Here’s a few pictures I took with the new Canon 7 D.

My Brother Matt. The most chill person you'll ever meet.

The Switch

Beauty, Canon lenses and equipment, Portraiture, Studio Lighting

My shoot with Tara had all the makings of disaster and even confrontation. Scheduled for 4:00 p.m., the shoot and her make up artist didn’t arrive until 5:00. But that was just the beginning . Every other model I’ve ever worked with has done their own hair and makeup so I really have no experience dealing with a MUA. Having no experience with one, I gathered it would take five, maybe ten minutes tops. (Not even close.) Time passed and five minutes turned into a half an hour and then into a full hour. I tried to keep my cool but I was steaming. That and the fact that there was makeup everywhere. I was done. Ready to throw them the hell out.

6:00 p.m. came and they were finally done. I was going to do a very quick shoot and get them out of my place. As i started shooting I noticed the makeup artist shadowing me with her pocket camera. It was as close as it could possibly come to me completely losing it. “You can’t do that!” I barked. This is my work. She barked back “This is my work too.” The stage was set for a complete blow up. However, calmer heads prevailed and I explained “This may be your work. But this is my studio and my rules.” “I’m sure I’m a better photographer. If you want pictures, I’ll be taking them.” I don’t know what happened. Everything switched. Within second Tiffany (The MUA) and I were gelling. We were BFF and working together. She contributed by making suggestions on wardrobe from time to time. We were communicating. Tara was a pro throughout. She was quiet and very sweet. Things ended so much better than they started and everyone went home happy.

Later that night I told my wife Kayuri and smiled. Knowing full well my history with my temper and sometimes confrontational nature. (Going as far back as working at Sears Portrait. I had told customers who pushed me to the edge off on occasion.) She said “I’m very proud of you.” I’ve grown a lot in recent years. It’s important to grow as a photographer. I’ve seen a tremendous amount in the last two years. But growing as a man. Learning to be a problem solver and be a better communicator feels really good. Seeing that growth makes me proud. Maybe I’m finally growing up.

Busted

Location Shooting, Portraiture, Portraiture in natural light, Responsibility, Uncategorized

I’ve been a member of SOHO Photo Gallery since 2006 and have really appreciated the opportunity to share my work with the gallery members and the people from around the world that visit. However, I’ve always been torn about it.

Whenever joining a photo club or as is the case being a member of a COOP , my goal is to share and learn from the members. To create, inspire and be inspired. And of course to expose my work to new viewers. Having been a member of several such clubs Hob’art, The Palisades Camera Club and SOHO Photo I’ve gotten to do that. Yet, the experience has always left me wanting more. Coming to SOHO Photo was a big step for me. Having to work on submitting a portfolio for acceptance was paramount to my growth. Yet since joining I’ve been left with the feeling that I’ve joined a sewing circle at a retirement home. Each year when it’s time to pay my dues and renew I think long and hard about it. In 2010 I decided to renew with the ambition of shooting there from time to time on the galleries off days. I gingerly brought this up to various members I had hosted with. None of which seemed to show any concern. For me personally, that alone made it worth while. So I decided to take advantage. Recently, while shooting I was confronted by a member(One I had never met prior) . He was pissed off and said he’d be telling the elders. I jokingly said “Hey, point taken. Don’t be a rat and drop the dime.” He saw no humor in it.

Time went by and I got no feedback. no scolding came my way. Yet I still delayed my renewal. Maybe this was it. This was my sign. I got an email stating that I was “overdue” and ignored it. Still thinking. Then I got an official letter with the galleries letterhead and everything. I let it sit. Sunday morning Kayuri saw it on the coffee table and said. “Just renew. It’s not a lot. It might be worth it.” I wavered. “You know, why not.” That was until this morning when I got the email. That Rat dropped the dime on me and it upset some people. I can assure you and them it was never done out of disrespect or in a manner that would suggest I was sneaking around. Having discussed it openly in the past. I replied with just that and haven’t heard back since. But it made me think. I’ve never been much for groups and it’s been quite difficult relating to so many of the members in the past due to the vast generation gap. I’m deciding to follow my instinct and end my association. I can’t complain at all.

Life is what you make of it. You get exactly what you put into it. I never liked sitting in meetings. The openings rarely brought in new faces. It was always a mutual admiration society as far as I could see. There were times when members work totally blew my mind. Inspired me and made me yearn to be better. That’s a good thing. I’d definitely say my experience was a good one. It’s just time to try something new.

A Visit from Stuyvesant.

Canon lenses and equipment, Family Portraits, Humor, Music, Portraiture, Studio Lighting, Stuyvesant

Last night I had the guys from Stuyvesant over for some Band shots. Brian told me they wanted an “Unforgiving Look” while Ralph pointed to Television’s “Marquee Moon” album. I personally looked for inspiration from some of my favorite SST and Dischord Records. In less than an hour we knocked out what they were looking for. I offered them more time and ideas but they were very happy with what they got and were gone before knew I it. Brian, Ralph, Sean and Pete were very easy going and fun to work with.