Time to Reflect

I’ve been having a real hard time finding the right words to describe my recent shoot with Roksolana. Sometimes it just takes time to properly let an experience run it’s course of emotions in order to write about it from an observers point of view than an actual participant. Roksolana IIIThis became evident to me when talking to a model I worked with the other day. I’ve worked with this particular woman for years and over that time, developed a close bond and trust. We’ve always shared stories and not only is she supportive of my wiring. She’s downright forceful in that she feels my stories are worth putting to paper. This Friday afternoon, as she unpacked her chosen outfits for that days session, the conversation quickly turned to just that. It was then that I realized why I do and do not write about certain subjects and certain experiences in my life. It was then when I understood why I was having such a hard time writing about this particular shoot with this beautiful and very sweet woman. Roksolana IIIt all came down to separation and the time it takes to remove yourself and a certain emotional element from the story. At the time of the shoot I was overwhelmed by Roksolana’s energy, her thwarting of everything I had planned and inability to focus on anything for more than a few seconds. That could all be easily overlooked if not for the pure fact that she turned my organized and uncluttered studio space and turned into a combat zone. Even going as far as moving my couch and taking the shirts I had picked out for her to model and spreading them across my couch insisting “See, it feels like a college dorm.”

RoksolanaYet, with all the madness, lack of direction and complete exhaustion those few hours created. I still had a beautiful woman in my studio. One who is inspiring in all that she’s already experienced in her short life. I was doing one of the things I love most in life and I was in the midst of a ‘real story’. I controlled my anger and emotions throughout and stayed focused. An hour or so later, my heart rate was normal and I was sharing dinner with my lovely wife.    I was not only alive, I was living.

Creating a Comfort Zone.

I’m often complaining that my apartment is too cluttered and there are too many things that are out of place or have never had one to begin with. Over the years I’ve often purged using the old TLC show Clean Sweep’s mantra of “Keep, Sell, Trash.”  However, as I’ve learned, no matter how much I get rid of. I basically have the same size apartment. Being that I do so much work from home it makes the apartment feel even smaller. A living room that doubles as my photography studio and a second bedroom that doubles as an office. It’s a juggling act to say the least. If things are out in the open or out of place it creates chaos. Having to deal with that chaos means I get less work done while spending more time doing it.

So today I got up at the crack of dawn and started erecting my own little “Man Cave”.  Moving furniture from one room to another while taking random frames off the floor and giving them the walls they have been missing for months. With a little hammering and finagling I created a wall Martha Stewart would be proud of. I cleared my desk to the point I could actually see the surface and created a little nook where everything was within reach. In the end, the only thing missing was a heaping cup of coffee just left of the keyboard. Though I’ll surely be tweaking it with different pictures and such, it is my little peace of mind that takes away some of the stress I feel when I’m sitting here doing what I do. Like the wise man said “Surround yourself with the things you love.” Soon we’ll be moving to a new place. I have visions of a room all my own with nothing but records, photography and all things geeky. A Geek can dream. Right?