Since last weeks session with Denise the two of us have been in constant contact with one another about working together on other projects. Every now and then my phone lights up with an image, shortly followed by “Look at this.” “I want to try this the next time we shoot.” 
I’ve been really inspired these days to work with different people, try new things and experiment with different concepts and lighting. As the winter begins to thaw and signs of spring just starting to show. I feel energized and confident that I’m moving in a good direction. I’m meeting new, creative people who are open minded and love living life to the fullest. Photography, art and being a photographer allow me to communicate, create and relate on levels I would never be able to otherwise. Only the future can tell just where life takes me. For now, I’m extremely grateful to be where I am.
Category: Finding your Zen
A Fresh Start
Last night I finally had the chance to thoroughly attack the many images I had taken during my recent trip to Japan. It’s been two weeks since we returned and I’m finally finding the words to describe just how important this trip was for my mind, soul and perspective as a photographer. In the days, weeks and even months prior to the trip I went through some personal struggles that had me questioning just about everything. As far as I was concerned, removing myself from many of the causes of what had manifested was the best solution to the problem. From the moment I landed in Japan and set foot in Hayama. All of the stress, anger and anxiety I had built up in the prior months began to melt away.
As we shared a hearty breakfast and watched the sun rise over Hayama that first morning. I was asked a very important question. “What do you want to do while you’re here?” I took a while to collect my thoughts before raising my head and replying “I want to be the untourist.” “I don’t want to go near anything remotely related to what I’m used to.” “I want to absorb and experience everything this culture offers.” It was a pretty big statement for someone who had just experienced a fourteen hour flight, four hours sleep and had yet to take a sip of his first cup of coffee in Japan, but it was honest. I just wanted to leave behind all the baggage I had accumulated back home. I wanted a fresh start. Luckily for me, my mind, body and spirit was about to get the full treatment.
Back in Black
Last week I did the kind of shoot that has become too few and far between for my liking. The truth is, with all the shooting I’ve been doing lately, not nearly enough moves me as much as that intimate one on one studio session. Recently I forced myself to sit down and write a list of all the things that make me happy and make me feel fulfilled in life. Things like family, friends and bulldogs were pretty high on the list. (Yeah, Bull Dogs) When it comes to things of the creative nature, I’d have to say studio photography is number one, two and three on my list. There is nothing that makes me more alive or feel as if I am at my very best. With all my faults, shortcomings and anxieties, when I am shooting I am at my very, very best.
This particular shoot was to test a new muslin I had picked up the week before at Calumet Photo. If you’re a follower of the blog you might know that I often find myself switching from seemless to muslin backgrounds with varied results. Though I had grown used to using seemless almost exclusively over the last year. (Black in particular) I wanted to look into working with the muslin. So with new studio gear in tow and no one to shoot I contacted a girl who I had worked with in a duo shoot the year before. Lucky for me she had some spare time and was ready to return for here solo.
When originally shooting with Jenn a little under a year ago I was able to steal away a few solo shots when the other girl was changing and managed to get some of my absolute favorite shots of the day. As beautiful as they were I knew they were only a very small sampling of what we could accomplish.
Jenn has three of the attributes I look most for in a model. Expressive eyes, lips and an awesome sense of humor. I was a little nervous about working with her again prior to that day due to the fact it had been such a long lapse in time since we last shot. However her sense of humor and nerdy qualities (That’s a compliment kids.) had us both cracking up from the get go. She even took the shoot to another level when she asked to revisit some shots she had seen of mine. The shoot instilled with me the fact that when I am a very, very lucky man. Thanks to Jenn for helping me to realize it.
Cool Shirt Bro.
Being that I do a lot of writing and photographing of local music I’ve managed to pick up my share of rock tees along the way. Some are bought, some are given as thanks, some just thrown at me to cover my naked body at shows. Whatever the reason, I’ve got a lot of them. As cool as these things might look on the bands merch table or when worn by Joe Hardcore. They do not exactly look flattering on my body. So instead of letting them go to waste in my drawer or in a box on a shelf somewhere. I’ll throw one on a beautiful girl. In doing this I get a fond memory of the shirt and I don’t end up on an episode of “Hoarders”. The shirts always look a hell of a lot better on them and it’s a great way to preserve the memory of the shirt. So if you’re attached to all those old rock tees, Christmas trees, and unfitting wanna bees. Throw it on a beautiful woman and keep those memories fresh.
Creating a Comfort Zone.
I’m often complaining that my apartment is too cluttered and there are too many things that are out of place or have never had one to begin with. Over the years I’ve often purged using the old TLC show Clean Sweep’s mantra of “Keep, Sell, Trash.” However, as I’ve learned, no matter how much I get rid of. I basically have the same size apartment. Being that I do so much work from home it makes the apartment feel even smaller. A living room that doubles as my photography studio and a second bedroom that doubles as an office. It’s a juggling act to say the least. If things are out in the open or out of place it creates chaos. Having to deal with that chaos means I get less work done while spending more time doing it.
So today I got up at the crack of dawn and started erecting my own little “Man Cave”. Moving furniture from one room to another while taking random frames off the floor and giving them the walls they have been missing for months. With a little hammering and finagling I created a wall Martha Stewart would be proud of. I cleared my desk to the point I could actually see the surface and created a little nook where everything was within reach. In the end, the only thing missing was a heaping cup of coffee just left of the keyboard. Though I’ll surely be tweaking it with different pictures and such, it is my little peace of mind that takes away some of the stress I feel when I’m sitting here doing what I do. Like the wise man said “Surround yourself with the things you love.” Soon we’ll be moving to a new place. I have visions of a room all my own with nothing but records, photography and all things geeky. A Geek can dream. Right?
New Day Rising
Unable to sleep the other night I walked down to the Hudson River to watch the sun rise over the Manhattan skyline. The morning air is so fresh and cool while that feeling of solitude before the day breaks is the perfect tonic for clearing the mind. As I stood there admiring the day in it’s infancy I noticed this man paddling north. The site of this solitude man looking up at a monster of a city was awe inspiring. It reminded me that no fight is too big. No task is to hard. We can accomplish anything we put our mind to. Here’s to a new day and taking on every challenge that comes our way.
Teaching, Learning, Enjoying those Little Moments.
Washington Square Park has always been a place with so much energy and inspiration. Be it be musicians, the colorful characters, the fountain, arch or maybe even the drug dealers. There’s something for everyone. If you enter on the West side of the park you’ll surely find inspiration from the chess tables. There you’ll see people from of all walks of life gathering for one reason….. The Game. Last week as I entered the park an older gentleman asked if I’d like to play. I smiled and in passing replied “I’m sorry, I never learned.” to which he smiled and replied “I’ll teach you.” If not for my being in a rush I would have taken him up on his offer. The exchange took place in a matter of seconds but it stuck with me. So when I walked into the park today I looked for that gentleman to perhaps take him up on his offer. Almost immediately I spotted him. There he was smiling and teaching this young kid the game. He leaned forward and in a sweet and deliberate voice explained each move to the child. It made me smile and think how we all have it in us to teach and make a difference in people’s lives.It can just take a moment. Whether it be a loved one or a complete stranger. It’s in all of us.
Happiness
I was having a conversation recently with a photographer I had just met the day before. We were just talking shop and sharing some of our experiences. Then she said something that hit me like a bag of sand. (bags of sand are quite heavy.) She said “To be honest. I’m only truly happy when I’m shooting.” I sat frozen for a second. A second that seemed like a lifetime. This woman who I had just met said what I’ve been feeling for so long. It was as if someone had just hijacked my soul and said the very words that I’ve never been able to say myself.
Since I was a child I always had this hyper creativity about myself. Always writing and creating in one way or another. It wasn’t until I got into photography that it really hit me though. From the moment I got my first camera I was obsessed. As I got better that obsession took up more and more of my time and occupied more real estate in my thoughts. When I think about it I’m reminded of an old Ray Romano skit where he talks about his young daughter of four. She was looking out the window in what seemed to be deep thought for some time. When he asked her what she was thinking about. She replied “Candy”. That’s me. Only a lot older and with photography. I was laying in bed last night around 4:00 AM. Tossing and turning, reflecting on that days shoot and the ones that are coming. Thinking of how I can avoid having my pictures start to look the same. Working on new concepts and ideas. I just can’t put my mind to rest. Laying awake my eyes focused the wardrobe in front of the bed. “What if I emptied it out and photographed someone inside. Someone who feels trapped.” It’s fucking 4:00 AM and I’m thinking about this shit. It’s crazy.
My long time friend Mandy got me into volunteering a little over a year ago. During the times I shot these events I’ve received so much love and praise for pictures I thought were pretty mediocre. I’ve sent them to her with an almost apologetic tone. Of course she’s always positive and appreciative, exclaiming “these are amazing.” “Why are you so hard on yourself?” The thing is, I’m not an events photographer but I want to be at my very best regardless. Even when I’m shooting portraits, something that I’ve become very good at. I keep thinking “I can do better. I can do more.” It’s an obsession.
The plain and simple truth is that when I’m shooting. When I’m in that mindset. I’m the very best I think I’ve ever been or can be. I’m pretty much a dork when it comes down to it. But when I’m in the studio communicating and creating, I feel like a fucking Rock Star. I can say and do things I wouldn’t be able to otherwise. I’m happy and confident. I’m not shy, self conscious or clumsy. (okay, maybe a little clumsy.) Not to freak anyone out but I’ve even compared it to sex. Not quite there but about as close to an orgasm as you can get without….. well, you know. So yeah, maybe I am only truly happy when I’m shooting. God, help me.
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